Playlouder - Music is the Network

This year’s Real Food Festival has appointed to its committee none other than ‘…Relentless Trail of Death’ frontman and bass-playing cheesemaker Alex James. (Cue applause.)

Cotswolds man-about-town, James, will be using his magic finger (you know the one) to select genuine farmers to be sent to Earl’s Court for the April symposium from their respective hovels in wherever the hell they come from anyway.

It’s a bit like Charlie and The Chocolate Factory, except more than one of them will be called Charlie. And none of them will be making chocolate.

No doubt they’ll leave muddy footprints all over The Emerald City (a.k.a. London – The Dublin of the East) and Ken Livingstone will have to have them culled.

Rumours that Alex’s own cheese, ‘Little Wallop’, will be receiving even more awards at this year’s festival have been condemned as obvious.