Playlouder - Music is the Network

Two of the western world's greatest living artists are probably going to be refused entry to The Orient (which is that bit of the world where terrorists, samurai and elephants live, just between The Urals and The Mariana Trench).

This is tragic news for Avril Lavigne (which is an anagram of Grave Villain) and Chris de Burgh (which isn't an anagram of Creepy Old Bastard), because everybody knows that all of the world's gold is currently being hoarded in the numerous rougish states that make up this dusty and mystical continent.

Exhibit A: Avril Lavigne's scheduled August appearance in Kuala Lumpur (haha - funny names they have) has been contested by the Pan-Malaysian Islamic Party's youth wing on the grounds that her stage act is "too sexy". Rumours that said stage act includes Avril inserting locally-produced vegetables into her Lavigne have yet to be spread. (What are you waiting for?) Seriously though I bet this is the first time Avril's been deemed too sexy for anything; she must be well chuffed.

Exhibit B: Former WWF wrestler Sean Michaels (now writing for the Guardian Online apparently!) says that: 

"IRNA, an Iranian news agency, reported yesterday that the Music Office of Iran's Ministry of Culture and Islamic Guidance has not issued a permit for the [Chris de Burgh] concert."

This is because Chris hasn't asked for one yet. What a douche.

Still though, this is further evidence of the ingratitude, and - by association - terror that we need to be warring against: they come over here stealing our women, our children, our identity, and yet still we offer them Avril Lavigne and Chris de Burgh in return. And what do they do? Throw it back in our faces. "We'd rather have your bombs, Great United Nations of Eurmerica" they say.

Well, you asked for it; push that big red button: send in Phil Collins!