Cheese, as all good gentlemen know, is one of life's luxuries. Who could deny the almost sexual pleasure derived from a nibble of Applewood Smoked? Not us. And certainly not the completely brilliant 'Online Cheese Comparator'.
Hosted by Astradyne.co.uk, a company claiming to "specialise in arms dealing, money laundering and other "off-white" activities", the site takes your name, and works out what kind of cheese you are. Thus, Playlouder is Camembert, a "soft creamy cheese named after the French village in Normandy in which it was created, by a woman named Marie Harel. It has a crumbly, edible rind, and gets softer as it ripens, giving off that familiar smell for which French cheese became infamous." We're not sure about the "infamous smell bit", but we sure are creamy. Meanwhile, our chums over at the NME are, obviously, Brie. In case you didn't know, the cheese was once part of the tributes that had to be paid to the French Kings. Make of that what you will.
And what of our favourite pop-tykes? Well Playlouder tips-for-the-top the Fighting Cocks are a nice Gorgonzola, "a semi-soft blue cheese made in the village of the same name in Northern Italy. The cheese is yellow/white with green/blue penicillin mould marbling (like frontman Charlie's shirts) giving a sharp, spicy flavour", and the Cocks are quite happy with that. And Coldplay? The saintly soft rockers are the obscure Stinking Bishop, "a vegetarian cheese, made in England." How apt.
