Famous London venue the Electric Ballroom may have had its death sentence lifted thanks to Mayor Ken Livingstone.
Smug halfwits at London Underground drew up some really clever plans some months ago for a new tube station at Camden which would necessitate the demolition of the venue. The proposed new station was to have been a giant computer-generated chrome-and-glass Canary Wharf-esque horror, incorporating a cinema and several identikit morally-suspect coffee and food outlets, costing several squillion pounds. The planners had clearly thought carefully about the effect of the new structure on the comfortable, scruffy surroundings of lovable old progress-free NW1, and had come up with a concept building that would be as much at home among the bustling markets and mingling music tribes as a satellite dish would be on the left ear of a dog. Although given that one of Camden's markets as well as the Electric Ballroom would have been obliterated by the sprawling structure, and most of those little shops selling bondage trousers and goth boots would be forced out of business, that didn't really matter.
Um, anyway, although Ken Livingstone rode home in the polls by being matey with Fatboy Slim and getting lots of The Kids to vote for him, it's unlikely that his disapproval of London Underground's plans stems from his desire to protect the Electric Ballroom. However, the plans are having to be rethought after Ken condemned them as "currently lacking". He added in a letter to the Underground Halfwit Board that "the impact on the surrounding area in urban design terms is quite unacceptable". Go Kenny! Go Kenny!
Some miffed bird who was overseeing the proposed culture decimation project snorted: "We must now go back to the drawing board and put together new plans that comply with the Mayor's requirements. A lot of time has been wasted but we now know more about what people want and don't want." Some Camden residents, who know what they want (a pint of lager top, thanks) and have a rare genius for wasting time, declared the news "fucking brilliant" and went straight back to The Good Mixer to prove it.
The Electric Ballroom has seen decades of thrilling live rock excess, with generations of wasted icons cavorting across its enticingly sticky stage including the Sex Pistols, The Clash and pretty much anyone who's ever been anyone. It is one of several musical landmarks to be threatened with closure over the last few months. Last week the Wag Club in Soho, formerly the Whisky A Go-Go, a favourite hang-out of the Rolling Stones in the Seventies and Madonna in the Eighties, saw its last night of drunken indie cavorting before being closed down. It has been bought by the Bass brewery who intend to spend £4 million turning it into the biggest O'Neill's Irish pub in the country. Toploader, Dido and various daytime television presenters are said to be "very excited".
The present manager of the Ballroom, Maggie Gibson, was cautiously pleased at the news. She said: "We are happy about this news but it does not necessarily mean we are in the clear. When drawing up the new plans London Underground should think about preserving businesses like ours. People come to Camden for the music and the markets after all."
Hopefully the Underground's knackered escalators and multiple delays should keep the Halfwit Board from their desks for a little while. London Underground currently has an investment backlog of £1.5 million, or roughly what it costs to keep the Millennium Dome empty for six weeks.
